Our 10th Anniversary

 

December 15th, 2000

I know I post this photo all the time at least once a year but it's a favorite of mine. It's one of the first photos of Graham and I together, and it's from the very beginning of our relationship together. I still can't believe we've been a couple for over 10 years. It feels like just a few years ago I was in high school, worrying about my English essays and play tryouts. I knew I was crazy about this skinny kid, and I'd let myself get silly and dream about marrying him someday, but I always thought I'd be like, so freakin' old when I got married. You know, like, 25 or something equally ancient. I wanted to go to college and learn Japanese and move to New York for a few years and be sophisticated. I wanted a shoe collection that would make the likes of Carrie Bradshaw jealous. I thought that this kid would wait for me, for sure. Instead, I realized that I don't have much of an ear for languages, and New York is crazy expensive. And, even though Graham probably would have waited, I didn't want to be so far away anymore. So instead, I lived vicariously through my friends Abi & Jess, who got to move from place to place and travel, and then call me with hilarious stories of dive bars and dates who faint when they're nervous.

Maybe it's a sign that I'm rapidly approaching 30--ACK!!! THIRTY!!!--but when I used to look at this photo, all I saw were two people who were happy together. Now, I focus on our faces and I think about how young we look. I mean, look at us! Look how skinny he is! Look how skinny I am! Cripes. I think I weighed about 110 lbs. in that photo. That was at least 40 lbs. a lot of donuts 10 years ago.



December 15th, 2007

Now, this photo was taken a little more than 3 years ago. Our wedding day was one of the happiest days for me, right up there with my college graduation. I had been nuts about this guy for so long, and all the silliness and dreaming and growing up had all led to this day. I never thought that I could be happier. After all, what more does a fairly self-sufficient young 20-something woman need? (Aside from a really amazing shoe collection, that is.) I remember parts of that day so vividly, but I really treasured being able to marry one of my best friends while in the company of my closest family and friends. I loved having my best friends, some of whom flew or drove halfway across the country to be with us, stand next to me on the day I got married. And I  loved being able to spend the day with my kid sister and the two amazing women who would become my sisters. In one day, the number of people I could count as family doubled in size. I remember being so happy about all of it, and when I was dancing with my brand-spankin' new husband I remember thinking, "This is what it's all about."

Fast-forward three years. Adulthood has reared it's ugly, awkward head yet again! Dontcha hate that? You're living life, loving life, and then BAM! You're an adult! Ewwwww!



I forget, from time to time, that I'm a legitimate, card-carrying grownup. Sometimes I still feel like the awkward teenager in the photo up there. And then, I realize that I have a daughter. I "own" a home (Kinda. We've only got 29 more years left on our mortgage! WOO!). I have a job. I pay taxes. Life is generally pretty good, despite my pessimism. I got to spend our 3rd wedding annivesary, but our 10th anniversary overall, with my husband and my daughter in our home. I'm ridiculously grown up these days, eh? Ten years ago, I probably would have run in fear from all the adultyness that was waiting for me in my future. Some days, I still want to run. I want to take a really long walk on a beach and not worry about what bills are waiting for me or what home renovation is next on the list. Sometimes, I want to go back to college for a few days. I want to be able to sleep in, skip a class or two, and pay for my dinner by swiping my ID. Then I want to come back to a message written on my dry erase board and spend the evening watching TV with friends. 

December 15th, 2010



But then, I get to take pictures like this one. We spent our anniversary eating pizza off our china and driving around our neighborhood, taking in the Christmas decorations. I got to spend time with two people who have made me better, just by waking up every day. I get to look at my husband and my daughter, and instead of watching American Idol and playing drinking games ("One sip everytime Randy says 'dawg'!") I get to spend an evening curled up on the couch with my baby in my arms and my husband next to me. I see a small stack of bills on the coffee table and I know we'll stress about them tomorrow, but as for this moment, this is what it's all about.