I doubt anyone besides our family and friends reads this thing, but *just* in case there's a random follower...surprise! I'm preggers! ::gasp::
Yeah, that's pretty much what I did, too. Let me explain. (Ahem, dads and moms and anyone else who this might get too uncomfortable for, stop reading now. I'll do my best to censor myself, but if you know me IRL, I don't censor well, if ever. Sorry...?)
Also...this is probably pretty IF sensitive. I have so many friends dealing with infertility, so if it's a bad day--stop reading.
My last period was in late February. When I skipped my March period, I didn't think much of it. Why? Because.....
1.) I'm a dumbass.
2.) I was a dedicated BCP taker, same time everyday. 99%, right?
3.) My body and I, particularly my ovaries, have a wonky history.
4.) I'd taken two packs back-to-back in January and February, and like clockwork my body will skip it's next period. Why? I dunno. So when I skipped my March period, I figured my body was doing it's thang.
In short, it wasn't uncommon for me to get periods late (i.e. in the middle of a pill cycle, especially when I was on Yaz) or even skip them entirely. My body likes to do its own thing. In pre-pre-conception appointments with my OB/GYN, we'd discussed my concerns. And, like most OBs, she tried to soothe my concerns by saying that if we were trying for a year and trying resulted in nothing but negative pregnancy tests and ulcers caused from T-TTC stress, we'd look into fertility treatments, etc. She knows my history and knows it well, and because I had been on just about every BCP known to man since 2006, roughly, she also warned me that those damn helpful little pills could have me loaded with hormones that could probably make it difficult for us to concieve. BUT...like Graham says, "Let's try not to worry about it or cross that bridge till we come to it."
So, we weren't worrying. Besides, we were roughly a year from (probably, had everything gone our way) "trying" anyway. That would put us in, "Let's have a baby in 2012" territory, and again, only if everything went our way. That doesn't always happen. I had convinced myself that I would be 30 or close to it by the time we had a baby.
We were living and loving life. We were actively planning trips to Florida and Ireland, and I was dreaming of trips to Aruba or Jamaica for one last hurrah (or 13 last hurrahs) before we "settled down."
Let's fast-forward to Late April/early May, 2010.
The last weekend of April, I got ridiculously drunk/fun at a wedding. I don't know what got to me, but I just. kept. drinking. I don't even think I drank that hard in college! Something kept compelling me to down, "just one more" of some weird and mysterious eckto-cooler that a Polish bartender named Kasia had whipped up for me. Let's say this:
Bad things happen when you have this particular exchange with a very Polish bartender from God-Knows-Where Poland.
Me: "Aaaaaaah! OHMIGOSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHH! You're so preeeeeeeeeeeeetty! Whatsyername? Kasia? Kash--ee--yah! Will you make me your favorite drink?"
Kasia: ::bottles from behind and under the bar, some with dust on them, come flying out of nowhere and Kasia shakes that little martini canister better than James Bond on date night::
Me: "Ooooooooooooooh.......it's so preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty!!!! Just like yooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!! UUuuuuuuuuhhhhmmmm....whatdoyoucallit?"
Kasia: "Um, I don't know."
Me: ::gulp gulp glug glug:: "Wait, what? Did you say something? Mmmm....deelicious! Thanks Kasia! You so preeeeetty!' ::chug chug chug::
Me: ::slams glass down:: "I'd like 36 more of those, please."
Okay, so that last part didn't go *exactly* like that, but I DID go back to Kasia a number of times for that green mystery drink. Boy, was it good.
The wedding was Saturday night. On Sunday we were getting ready to go to my parents' for dinner and Scrabble. I was sitting in the living room checking my email. I stood up, and BAM! Running to the toilet. Odd, but I laughed it off as not being able to drink like I used to.
Another weird thing that happened to me that day and all week: I was burping. Not belching, but just little burps, almost like hiccups. I couldn't shake it, either. I took everything...tums, pepto bismol, etc. I even drank a little more soda that week thinking I'd drink enough, burp, and go on with my life.
I ignored the initial puke-and-burp incident thinking it was just a side-effect from drinking myself stoopid at the wedding. Graham laughed at me for being a lush. Then I puked on Tuesday. And again on Wednesday. And again on Friday.
First weekend of May. I had finally convinced one of my best friends, Jess, to come visit me. (I'd link to Jess's blog, but it's uber-protected because she doesn't trust people. It's one of the many things I love about her.) (I'll also have to do a Jess post sometime.) It's evening, and I still haven't seen AF. At this point, I'm not worried. I think I have no reason to be worried. I wasn't in denial, I just didn't even see pregnancy as a possibility. My friend LOG and my husband convinced me to drive my grumpy self to Walgreens to get a pregnancy test. The whole way to the Wal I was all mumbles and grumbles. "This is a waste of money and a waste of time. PAH!"
The plan had been to test ASAP, but I got home and 2 seconds later Jess pulled up! Can't very well say, "Hold on! I'd love to catch up, but first I need to prove I'm not pregnant!" Besides, I wasn't pregnant, so no need to run and test, right? Right.
We talked for a few hours, and right before I went to bed I tested and waited the 2 or 3 minutes or whatever. 2 lines. "Huh, that's weird," I said to myself. To make things even more interesting, those lines weren't, "Is that a line? I dunno...maybe if I hold it up to the light and squint..." Nope. Dem lines was dark, yo. I even went back and looked at the directions again, thinking I did something wrong. (Because I can pee wrong, ya know?) Then it hits me: I tested at night! HA! No wonder I was getting a false positive! I showed it to Graham and I maintained that I had done something wrong, and not to worry--I had two more tests in that box. I'd test negative tomorrow morning and be done with it.
Morning comes, and I go to the bathroom. I was so proud of myself, too. See, when you have a lot of pregnant friends, you tend to pick up on things like, "Pee in the morning because it has a higher concentration of hcg and you'll get an accurate test result."
I look down.
I see another set of lines.
My jaw drops.
I say to myself, "Holy $#!%!!!"
I check the instructions again, just to be sure.
I go back to Graham and deliver the news.
We have a long, long conversation.
I text my cousin Katie (a mom 2.5 times over) and ask her what I should do first if "hypothetically" I was pregnant.
Long story made even longer....it was a discussion-filled weekend.
I told my friend Jess first, not only because she was here (that made it easier) but also because I had to tell SOMEONE. I had to say it out loud--I had to make it real. It just felt so weird! I never thought I'd ever be able to say those words out loud. I was very tentative to say something, even then. I thought for sure that the moment I said it out loud that I'd miscarry and this whole adventure would end then and there. Even worse, I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Would I be relieved? Disappointed? Those pregnancy test commercials are hokey, but damn if they aren't right on with the rush of emotions you feel all at once. I think the only one they neglect to share is, "GAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I already had a doctor's appointment scheduled for that Tuesday, and right away we scheduled an appointment with my OB. May was filled with appointments with my doctor, and even fuller with blood draws and genetic testing.
The funniest part of all those appointments? Getting my little "check out" paper and reading, "Diagnosis: Pregnancy." (C'mon...that's at least chuckle worthy, right? Reminds me of Diagnosis: Murder!)
Right away we started me on prenatal vitamins and I got off my multi-vitamin and iron pills. We came up with excuses and had to avoid all mention of the words baby, kids, pregnancy, and children. Awwwwwwwkward. Probably not so that everyone else noticed, but we sure as hell did!
We launched right away into teaching ourselves everything we had missed in the early weeks and the planning period we were supposed to have had. When I finally had an ultrasound, I was 8 weeks pregnant. GASP. That's a lot of fetal development missed and effed up thanks to my coffe, Mountain Dew, and binge-drinking-at-weddings habit.
I am so blessed to have had people to lean on in those first few weeks. I think I could have collapsed emotionally if it weren't for my cousin and some kickass betches I call my friends. Not only their advice, but their trials and pregnancy stories helped give me some guidance while I was scratching my head and saying, "No freaking way...."
We--mostly me--were nervous to tell our families until I passed some safety milestones. In a way, it's all mental and in my head, but I was so worried that I'd get attached to this idea, say it out loud, and then it would all be over. Telling Graham's family was easy--they have a family website/message board that makes it easy to share news. We told them after I had a doctor's appointment and brief ultrasound and saw the heartbeat again. After that, I ordered little cards to send my family because we don't have a website like that. Once they all knew, we made it "official" by announcing it on Facebook, thereby making it law. (Because we all know that it's not true until you read it on Facebook.)
Telling my boss took a huge load off at work, too. The stress level there has been through the roof, and getting pregnant has made things significantly less stressful. Unfortunately that means more stress on other people, but selfishly--well, some of them have been the cause of a lot of my stress, so I don't feel bad giving it right back to them inadvertently.
And now...well, that basically brings us up to date. As of today I'm 16 weeks, 3 days pregnant. I'm officially in the second trimester--4th month, even! I'm still throwing up pretty often, though I've gone from "everyday" to "every other day" or "every 3 days". I'm still tired, but I don't mind that. I love to sleep, so being exhausted as hell and sleeping at 9 p.m. each night is kind of a bonus!
(Sidenote, my boss thinks I'm having a girl because I look "drawn" all the time. I know I'm pregnant have my hormones are going hogwild here, but you can tell me I look like hell. I'm a big girl, and I own mirrors. I know I look like I've hit middle age 20 years too early!)
We haven't been very good at taking photos each week, but I think we're going to get better starting now. Looking at these 3 photos kinda makes me say, "Moooooo...." but I'm also really astounded at the growth I'm seeing. When I look down or look in the mirror I don't see much of a difference (though my waistband says otherwise). When I look at the photos, I'm pretty impressed.
Below is 11 weeks, taken before Mary's graduation:
Looking drawn (heeheeheeheehee) at 15 weeks, 6 days: