Mother's Day 2011

Infertility Sensitive post below. Proceed at your own risk.

Today is my first official Mother's Day. It's.....weird. Last year, when we told our moms that they were going to be grandmothers, I felt very disconnected from Mother's Day. It's a day for moms, and well, I really didn't feel like a mom yet. I was just an incubator. Graham got me flowers anyway--that boy was raised right, I tell ya--but for the most part it was just another Sunday for me. This year, it feels strange that I'm the one getting flowers and I get to stand up at Mass with all the other moms for a special blessing. In some ways, I don't feel like a mom yet because Hannah makes it so easy. She sleeps like a dream, she's hardly ever cranky, she's extremely easy-going...I thought parenthood was supposed to be difficult!

::ducks, because someone is probably throwing a shoe at me::

I know it will get harder. At some point we'll want another one and we'll be evenly matched, two against two, and if we ever even think about a third child we'll be outnumbered. At some point, Hannah will start walking and one of us will get neurotic about her bumping into things and getting a concussion. At some point, she'll want to walk to school. Alone. At some point, she'll want to start dating. At some point, she'll develop her own opinions and world view and we will argue until one of us has a small stroke. If she's anything like me, her teenage years are gonna SUCK.

It's no secret that the last year and some months hasn't been easy for me. I've been a crazy hormonal roller coaster and my mood has been up and down, back and forth, and pretty much everywhere it can go. I've been to some pretty dark places and I don't want to go back there. Even when I was at my lowest, I woke up everyday because I had a really great reason to keep going. On Mother's Day, I'm going to celebrate the reason I wake up every morning.