We're still here!

I made it to my maternity leave, and I'm still cooking this baby! Am I happy about it? ::shrug:: I'm glad I made it to leave with an inside baby, but I'm definitely ready for this kiddo to become an outside human.

On Tuesday we finished our last birthing class, so I'm as prepared as I'm going to be for labor, methinks. At Wednesday's appointment, my doctor sent me upstairs because my blood pressure was still high, but after a few hours laying down while hooked up to the monitors, they sent me home because my bp dropped to a healthy number and leveled off. I had to do a second 24 hour urine collection this weekend, and today we dropped it off but they kept me hooked up to monitors for a while because I was feeling dizzy and I had a headache that wouldn't go away.

Fortunately, everything is looking pretty good for now. Things aren't what I'd call "great", but my bp is good as long as I'm laying down, and my headaches aren't so bad. The proteins in my urine have even gone down, so all in all--not too shabby!

I was sent home with very specific instructions to lay down whenever I can and come in the minute I have any blurred vision or strong headaches that won't go away with Tylenol. I have a feeling that because my vision isn't blurred and my bp isn't bad as long as I remain as active as a slug, I'm going to stay pregnant until at least Wednesday (unless my water breaks before then). My doctor is great, and I know she's watching me closely so that if anything changes, I'll be up in L&D ASAP.

I'm a little bummed we weren't admitted today, but I'd rather things happen naturally or as close to it as possible unless there's a true emergency. I'm bummed only because I'm ready to not be pregnant. I miss my feet. I miss having ankles. I miss being able to sleep comfortably. As much "fun" as labor is, I'm a little bummed I'm not being induced, but I know that my doctor isn't going to make that decision lightly, and I won't be induced just because I'm tired of being preggers.

As far as contractions go, they're coming and going. Much more constant than they have been, and much stronger compared to what they were, but still so sporadic that it's not worth it to go in. I'll have two strong contractions back to back, but then nothing for 4 hours, and then one contractions, followed by nothing worth noting for 2 days. That's almost more annoying than the blood pressure and pre-e; my body is getting ready, but not fast enough!

The holidays were okay. I could have spent Thanksgiving laying on the couch and that would have been fine with me. I'm definitely "over" big parties and gatherings at this point. I love my family, but they're so damn loud and obnoxious that I was in misery by the time we left. I had a headache that wouldn't quit and I was royally pissed off at pretty much half of my family members. My uncle wouldn't put his friggin' camera down and kept taking pictures of me and my belly, even after I asked him nicely to stop. When I get those photos from him, I plan on tearing them up and putting them in the trash right in front of him. Rude? Yes, absolutely. So is continuing to take photos of someone who is the size of a house when she looks and feels like shit and politely asked you to lay the eff off.

I was also especially sensitive to all the comments and nicknames everyone thinks are so cute. If I wasn't 9 months pregnant, I probably wouldn't have minded as much, but being called jumbo, fatty, preggo, etc. by my dad, my cousins, my uncles, my aunts....it's a little too much. Three months ago, I didn't mind at all. Now that I look at myself and all I can see are stretch marks, swollen ankles, a fat face, and just general bigness, being called "jumbo" isn't exactly something I'm okay with hearing. And because I've got a big mouth, when I go so far as to say that comments like that are offensive and ::gasp:: bother me(!) everyone seems to blow me off and tell me it's the hormones that make me so cranky. That very well may be the truth, but hearing that, after being called "tubby" makes me want to rip your face off. Honestly, it's shit like that which contributes to eating disorders. Please, continue to call me jumbo. Don't friggin' wonder why I have low self-esteem and body image issues in January. I realize I just said I hate being fussed over, but a little sensitivity wouldn't kill you.

After that, someone had the genius idea to take family photos and as I was waddling back from the bathroom for the 80th time that hour, the girl cousins were lining up for a photo. I know that no one really had any idea how bad my head hurt at that time, but 8 women chanting, "Angie! Angie! Angie!" just made my temples throb and if I hadn't been so focused on that, punches may have been thrown.

(And, is it really necessary to continue to take cousin photos at this stage? Am I the only one who thinks it's stupid? The oldest of us is 27. I think we can safely move past the group photos at every holiday party.)

On top of that, my cousin is in med school and decided that after 9 months of pregnancy, I'm still a dumbass and my doctors are clearly clueless, because she spent the entire night trying to educate me on pregnancy. She just finished up a 2 month OB rotation and obviously knows more than I do. ::eye roll:: She had me on the fence when she told me I didn't need to educate myself on breastfeeding because it "should just happen naturally" (even though I have no idea what I'm doing) and spent 20 minutes telling me that epidurals are bad and that if I get one I'm a bad mother. I'm sorry, but when someone who has never felt a contraction in her life tells me that epidurals aren't necessary and labor pains can be controlled with breathing techniques, I tend to get a little skeptical. Gain 35 lbs and swell up everywhere, then tell me that pain meds designed for labor and delivery are the epitome of evil. And maybe this makes me a giant bitch, but I'm a little more inclined to accept the medical advice of someone who's practiced for 10 years, rather than a student who spent 2 months following around a team of doctors. ::shrug::

Maybe I shouldn't be such a bitch about it, but I can't help it. I mean, it could be worse--no one could care! It's a blessing that so many people care and are excited for my baby's arrival. But, I really loathe attention and people fussing over me, so being at the center of attention (seemingly) for the whole damn day really just made my mood worse. When my headache set in, I wasn't in any sort of mood for anything. It's touching that everyone cares, but I'd really just rather be left the hell alone. I don't need constant reminders that I'm pregnant and having a baby--I realize that I'm not nearly as intelligent as my husband and his siblings, but it's pretty hard to forget you're gestating when someone is constantly kicking you in the ribs and you haven't been able to walk without waddling for 2 months! Hearing, "You're pregnant, so YOU eat first!" and "You're pregnant, so eat more pie!" and "You can't sniff that wine, you're pregnant!" and "So, how are you feeling? I'm asking because you're PREGNANT!" gets reeeeeeeeeeally friggin' old.

Anyway, it helped cement my decisions to not attend anymore holiday parties (this year) unless I'm either drunk or stupid. I have zero desire to be fussed over and talk about nothing but "the baby!" I may be days away from officially becoming a mother, but I really do enjoy other topics of conversation outside of my uterus. I'd rather be able to pick and choose visitors and decide who can come over, and when! After ths year, a low-key Christmas is exactly what I need.