Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I am tired.

Today is the kind of day that makes me completely tired. I am wiped. I'm talking, "Need an extra shot of espresso to get me through Glee" kind of wiped. And naturally because I'm in a mood, I'm think of the other things I'm tired of. So, indulge me. Or, just stop reading here. :-)

1. I'm tired of being pregnant. I can't believe I have 2 more months to go. My nausea's returning--yippy skippy--and I really want a freaking beer. I'm tired of everything that comes along with being pregnant, too. You can definitely say I'm not one of those women who loves being pregnant, and I can't even figure out why some women love it so much. I've had a relatively easy pregnancy, too, when you compare it to others. I feel like a brat for complaining, but I can't help it. I'm tired of feeling fat, and then confirming it when I look in the mirror. I'm tired of nothing fitting me anymore. I'm tired of being sick to my stomach each morning. I'm so over my feet being swollen by the end of the day. I'm tired of being hungry all the time and then never being able to eat a full meal. I'm tired of being friggin' tired! I just want to sleep through the night without something waking me up. I'm tired of being dizzy and I'm tired of being so damn clumsy, too. I'd like to go one day without bumping into something or tripping over myself. I'm tired of my knees and back hurting like hell.

So far, the only thing that's been enjoyable--at least today because I'm in a mood--has been the movement and baby kicks I feel. I love getting some sort of confirmation that everything's going okay in there.

2. I'm tired of kids. This one sounds harsh, but today has just been a bad day in the classroom. I think I had kids crying in every single class today. I just can't handle any more of it! Enough visits from the drama llama, please! I'm also tired of having to keep it together for the kids. So many times today I wanted to just shout, "Get it together, man!" Instead, I have to be supportive and patient, blah blah blah. It's been an exercise in patience, that's for certain. Normally I LOVE the kids I work with; today's been a rough one.

3. I miss my friends. A year ago this past weekend, I was in L.A. It was warm, it was gorgeous, and I spent every morning drinking tea with my best friend and talking about everything. I got to be lazy and selfish and just enjoyed everything around me. I hate that everyone needs to live so far away to accomplish what they need to accomplish in life. I'm happy for them and I wish them nothing but the best. But really, why does happy have to be so damn far away? Why can't Los Angeles be moving further in with every earthquake, instead of out? It'd take a few million years for Chicago and LA to meet up, but at least I could take comfort in the fact that eventually these two cities will be closer on the map. And for that matter, every city where I have a loved one stored away can move a little closer.

4. I'm tired of work. I just had a heap of new responsibilities dropped on me this week, and they've got to be taken care of before Thanksgiving. I'll be full term by then and could easily go into labor at any moment. Not that I want to. I'd really like to make it to after Thanksgiving, if I can have my way. And really, with the way some responsibilities have been disappearing, having more to do is nice because it keeps me busier and distracted. I'm just annoyed that these new responsibilities have tasks that need to be finished before I go on leave. It's like, "OH! This needs to get done, so we'll give it to the pregnant lady and give her six weeks in which to complete it all." Jeebus. I'm actually afraid that if I don't get it all done (i.e. give birth before Thanksgiving) that I'll get an angry phone call before I leave the hospital demanding that I get it all done somehow, someway. Either I'm paranoid, or it's just gotten that bad here.

5. I'm tired of people touching me. Someone is going to lose an arm sometime soon, I swear. This weekend, one of Graham's cousins actually tickled my stomach. I came really close to slapping the poor girl. Bitch, please. Hands to yourself. First of all, if I wanted to be touched I wouldn't be making faces when your hands move toward me. Second, you're not tickling the baby, you're tickling me! See, how it works is, the baby goes on the inside. Strange concept, I know. I already hate being tickled--Graham got a black eye for trying it once, and we hadn't been dating that long. I need to get me a shirt that says, "NO!" right over the belly, or "Touch me and die!" or "I'm not Buddha. Rubbing me is not good luck." Not that everyone would pay attention, but it gets the point across good enough. Either that, or the next person to touch me without asking or without provocation gets jacked in the face. I have a feeling the latter would get me kicked out of everyone's family.

6. I'm tired of being treated like I'm about to break. This is a tough one, because everyone means well. I'm so over being fawned over and asked if I need a seat or if I need something to drink. When one or two people do it, I'm okay with it. When I get asked 4 times in 30 seconds if I need someplace to sit down, it's overkill. I'm tired of people shoving food down my face and saying, "The baby needs to eat!" I've come so close to responding, "No, actually, I need to eat, and I'm not hungry right now. And for the record, I hate oranges, so get these stupid things out of my face!" I know what I need. I know what I want. I understand that everyone's excited. This is the first baby on both sides of the family in decades. This is the first baby at work in years. Everyone feels like they can played a huge part of this! And Graham and I have been together almost 10 years, so this baby is a long time coming. It's hard for me to push people away when they care so much, and it makes me feel like an even bigger bitch. "Waaaah! Everyone loves me soooo much! I wish everyone would leave me aloooooone! Waaaaahhh!" I mean really, I'm tremendously blessed to have so many people who CARE and actually give a damn. It's humbling, because I don't think much of myself at all. I have no idea why people care. It blows my mind because I'm not a crowd-pleaser or the life of the party, ever. I'm just me. And I'm weird about attention. I love to give gifts and give attention to other people, but I'm all wonky when there's attention on me. "Why are you giving me a gift? Go buy yourself food or something!" It's humbling and I will never be able to repay all the good things that have been done for me in my entire life. I know how excited everyone is....somedays, though, I just want to be ignored and I want people to leave me alone. I'm not gonna break into 12,000 pieces if I stand for 15 minutes instead of 10, you know?

Anyway, that's all. I'm a brat. It's been a long day, and I'm ready for bed.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, Angie! I feel for you. I really do. That third trimester is a rough one. Just hang in there. Before you know it, you'll have a beautiful baby to hold & dress up! If you need to talk/vent, call me!

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